Today Is Your Birthday!

Today is my birthday, but that is a big by-the-way, because as we age (not that I am aging), our birthdays come to signify less significant changes than they did when we were younger. The difference between 12 and 13--huge. The difference between 15 and 16--huge. The difference between 38 and 39--not much. The difference between 71 and 72--duh. As we age we appreciate each new birthday not for the growth it implies, but for the marker along the path of life's journey that it represents. I can say that at the age of 43--which is what a man born on December 5 in the year 1964 would be on this day--that I love my three children more than ever. I really miss my son, who is serving in Iraq, and I am sorry that I did not answer the phone at 3:00 a.m. this morning when, apparently, he called. Hey, Junior, call back. Wish your olde man a happy birthday. I can say that I love my four brothers--we are a tight crew--we sail our ship just fine. Well . . . there is brother # 4, the one who became a Greek Orthodox monk--but you know what, he's just fine too. He's part of the crew, too, in his own Greek Orthodox Monk kind of way. The brother was seeking something spiritual and he found it, I hope. Deal with it, remaining brethren. I can say that I really love my wife more than ever. I say this without subterfuge or guile, which is what we can do when we are olde enough not to be shy about such things. I can say that I miss my mother, who passed away this year. I wish she had lived to see my new book ALL OR NOTHING. Well, I read sections of it to her last year, and she laughed a lot and told me the book would be a success. Thanks, mom. She loved my first novel HOOCHIE MAMA, which is weird because she was a born again Christian and not much into raunchy detective thrillers per se--but she loved her son and she loved his book and she urged him to write a sequel. Okay, mom. I will. One day. My father left a message on my machine today--he was singing happy birthday. Well, now. I can say that I am happy that I have five books in print. I can say that I am happy about my latest story, "CRIP," which will be appearing in a collection called LAS VEGAS NOIR sometime next year. I wrote it so that it would blow you away. I wrote it so that you would want to read it a second time, then tell a friend to read it. I never wrote a story like that before, but I felt my mom looking over my shoulder. I wrote a creepy, raunchy story that even she would have loved. I can say that I am happy that I am a teacher. I love teaching. I love young people. They make me feel young at 43. I am young at 43 thanks to my students. I never want to do anything else but write and teach young people. Okay, I have a lot of students who are not young--and I love teaching them too. One day I am going to write a guidebook for young people (as though I know how to be young--heck, I did not even know how to be young when I was actually young--I have always been a young 43, even at 23, even at 12--I remember asking my pastor to explain that part of the book of Genesis when Onan had sex with his wife and then spilled it on the ground--I kept asking him, "Spilled what, pastor? What did he spill?"--Pastor never really did explain). I think it is time to polish up that book that I have been working on for a decade--I think it will be my life's work, my magnum opus. I have a lot to say in it about love and faithfulness and God and religion and spilling it on the ground and sleazy car salesmen. The book is called THE FAITHFUL and it features the two lovers (16 year olde Elwyn and 43 year olde Sister Morrisohn) whom you met in my collection CHURCHBOYS AND OTHER SINNERS. I had a publisher who was interested in it a few years ago--maybe I will contact them--maybe I will contact my new publisher Akashic, see if this is the kind of book they like. Sleazy car salesmen, spilling it on the ground, 43 year olde church ladies with 16 year olde church boys . . . hmmmm.

I decree that we replace the new word "old" with the olde word "olde." Here, here now!